This week I had several opportunities to speak my truth with those closest to me. These conversations required quite a bit of courage as I knew the information I had to share would not be easy to hear. On the contrary, I knew I’d be pushing buttons, breaking hearts, crushing dreams.
Do you often find it difficult to stand in your truth, especially with those you love? Especially if you know it’ll hurt their feelings or cause a confrontational, adverse reaction that you really don’t want to deal with?
I don’t know about you, but I hate being yelled at, and I hate making someone cry. However, who am I really serving if I don’t stand in my authenticity? There are no winners when relationships are based in facades that hide our true thoughts, feelings, and desires.
When our goal is to make sure everything is safe and comfortable so that no one’s feelings get hurt, we don’t get to grow and learn and experience a life of joy, excitement, and expansion. We must come from the heart in our relationships. And until ego is quelled, it’s an inevitability that we are going to hurt the feelings of the one’s we love the most, and they will also do the same for us.
The alternative is deception, stagnation, boredom, restlessness… We shut down and live as nice, cozy, comfortable, non-energetic observers. Outsiders to our own existence. Television and other drugs become our out in order to not deal with the rising tension and resentments for not having fully engaged in life.
That’s not my choice. I want to experience as much of life as possible. That’s what I came here to do.
So, how do we maneuver these bumps in the road called “heartache?” First, take responsibility for our feelings, and give our loved ones permission to be open, honest, and authentic with us. Then don’t take anything personal. Opt to take the information we receive and use it to better ourselves, our relationships, and our lives on this planet.
When we’re the ones who need to share, having accepted our own invitation to be open, honest, and authentic, we can do it from a loving place. Loving for ourselves, loving for others, and loving for the evolution of our relationships.
One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned in this ability to have conscious, courageous conversations, is how important it is to have them with myself, first. It takes courage to face all the shadow parts within, but the pay off is that we get to love them into the light and experience our wholeness. It’s a continual examination of listening to the things we say to ourselves about ourselves, and then having the courage and diligence to change the attitudes, actions, and self-talk that is not serving our highest good.
I wasn’t taught how to communicate in this manner, and shifting my perception took time. Now, instead of seeing my conversations as confrontational, I see them as opportunities. Instead of thinking about how much I’ll hurt the other person or how much I dread having the discussion, I affirm the highest good unfolding the exchange, and invite the divine to speak through and hear through myself and the other. Instead of taking things personal, I ask to be shown a higher vision.
One of the tools I use to help me be more open, honest, and authentic is an affirmation that I share in hopes that it will help you too.
My capacity to loving speak my truth about anything and everything at any time under any circumstances without the fear of rejection, criticism, or overwhelm is optimal!
May your self-love deepen, broadening your authenticity, and growing your spirit into your magnificence. Namaste!
Photo Credits: http://www.flickr.com/photos/janicecullivan/5042149321/sizes/m/in/photostream/
Photo Credits: http://www.flickr.com/photos/80535871@N00/3340389576/sizes/m/in/photostream/
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A’ra,
Your latest blog about being in complete truth and honesty, not only with yourself but with others really struck a chord. I was recently contacted by an ex-partner who expressed the fact that he still had strong feeling for me and let me know that he was still available and interested in renewing our relationship. We had a two-year relationship and broke up back in 2002. We’ve been out of contact for quite some time; he contacted a family member and found me through that family member. To make a long story short, my reply back to him was honest, and I knew it would hurt his feelings because I rejected his advances. I also knew that if I wasn’t “brutally honest” with him, he would continue to hold on to the hope that we would one day be together again. Since my reply, he has not contacted me again, and I’m hopeful that he has now moved on and will focus his efforts at finding another partner.
Unfortunately, I still oftentimes struggle to share my true and honest feelings with others because sometimes I don’t trust my feelings or I am afraid that I will hurt someone’s feelings. I do admire those who do share exactly what’s on their minds, so it’s a continual work in progress for me. Thanks so much for your encouraging blog!
Wow, Doug, that is beautiful. In the “work in progress,” I think it’s important to be gentle with ourselves. We are creating our authenticity, especially in relationships, one moment at a time. Blessings to you, my friend. I admire your courage.
I have taught a course in “congruence” which models the authenticity you speak of here for several years..
It is rewarding and a way of living/being I highly recommend for those that truly seek to live in the truth.
I see people “falsify” all the time and aren’t able to tell the truth of how they feel.
There are three steps I teach and six models for processing.Amazing results when the courage comes forward in one to “speak the truth in love”
Thanks for sharing this.
Thanks for what you are doing in the world, Jennifer, to move all into a higher consciousness of truth. ;-D
Thanks for what you do in the world, Jennifer, to move the whole of consciousness into a higher awareness of truth.
Thanks for all you do in the world, Jennifer, to move the whole of consciousness into a higher experience of truth. Blessings and Namaste ;-D